Well I donno what it is that made me sit down to type at my keyboard for my blog after such a long time.Maybe it's the worries and...you know...well...sudden blinding realisations that come and strike you in the face like a wet slap on a freezing cold winter morning-the pain is sharp,piercing,short lived but it leaves an indelible everlasting impression on the mind-tormenting it for hours to follow.
Why it had to be this way I just do not know.Honestly.Sincerely.It's been ages but the memory still remains.I really poured my heart out today.Its just when you start to establish some sort of a justifiable rapport with anyone that someone somewhere decides its been enough.Wham.Bang.Ouch.Hurts real bad,doesn't it?Sure it does.Take some more don't be scared this is the great enigma called life after all.Grabs you by the scruff of your collar and slings you out on the hard pavement on your ear.When you're least prepared.
It all happened today.A very blinding realisation brought about by something very stupid that something's missing.A huge chunk of my heart.A void.Gaping chasm.Bloody fathomless ocean would seem more appropriate.Why it had to be this way i just have no clue.Maybe it's because of some bad karma generated by me in my previous life.Atonement for previously committed sins?The pain now is unbearable and suffocating.And its not so much about the pain or loss or suffering as the sense of futility of it all that is really mind boggling.The feeling of helplessness in the face of a much greater force.I mean it's not as if I'm gutted or devastated(I am actually what's wrong with me...hope its just a passing phase),ok maybe I am but these sentiments won't help make the pain any less.It's best to just deal with it in the best way possible.
What's amazing about this is the fact that I'm giving this a thought after such a long time.It's as if these hidden feelings had to surface on their given day.I have an IS-LM test tomorrow for which i haven't studied a word.Won't be able to.Not today.
Is this impractical?I guess so.Emotional?Definitely.It's as if everything's suddenly turned topsy turvy.But It'll be ok :)
I've stuck through this for a more longer time than anyone can possibly imagine.Cruelty is something I've managed to take in my stride.So is adversity.So is the false love exhibited by certain people who pretend to be your truest well-wishers but are never there when you really need them.Oh no.Wouldn't that be expecting too much from them?!Be reasonable.It's only when you manage you lift yourself out of the quagmire you had found yourself in that these angels in human form call on you with their false sympathies and pretentious smiles.
"I'm so very happy for you!!!Really!Nothing could have made me happier."Lousy Bastards.Who needs friends when you've got enemies like these unwanted relatives.It does seem sometimes that there's no end to them really!We're not the ones who are actually going to their place and telling them as to how to run the show so could they please mind their own business?!Or would that be expectin too much of them,seeing as most of them are bored housewives(nothing on the good ones though.I know a few with a heart of gold) anyways with no purpose in life whatsoever.Its a bit difficult for me to digest really.
Its just somehting I have for the printed word and typing on a keyboard that really endears some things to me in more ways than i could possibly imagine.I mean,even I could never have fathomed the way the realisation dawned on me when I saw it in print.And the fact that that i had so many thoughts hidden in my brain,just waitin to be unleashed.I needed this.
It was very beautiful while it lasted.But then again the experience taught me many precious lessons.
1)Nothing lasts forever,so you've got to treasure it with all your heart and soul while it does.Trust me,you'll regret not having done so when it actually ends,or is taken away from you,without any prior warning.
2)Your spirit is indomitable.Unshakeably strong.It will never bend until and unless you cause it to and will never desert you in your hour of need.Make full use of it.Never bend.Live life on yuor own terms.
3)Adversity makes winners out of losers.It gives you wings.Even you8'll be surprised to know as to how much you can possibly achieve if you utilise your full potential.You can work wonders.Adverse situations will be strewn along your path to help you understand that it is during times like these that you shouldn't bow down.Rather you should let your flag flutter high against the onslaught of the roaring wind to prove the might of yuor unshakeable convictions.You will survive.
4)Tragedy brings out the best in people.You'll never ever come to know that you had such tremendous tenacity to fight to the death,to lead a life of struggle unequal to that lived by anyone,all for the sake of proving that you care for your loved ones.And what care!
5)Time is the best healer.Period.
6)Loss is universal and you're not the only one.MOVE ON.Leave all that's occurred in the trash bin at the back of your brain and look forward to a life filled with unending joy(with tinges of sadness though).
Well I think that's about it.A note to all readers.You can comment in whatever language,with whichever hand and howsoever you may see fit.But you are absolutely,positively,not going to bring up this topic in front of me when/if you at all happen to meet me.And trhe last part may sound cliched but i can't help it if ,my mediocre writing skills do not suffice to keep your brain sufficiently engaged
3 comments:
I think I have understood what has happened here. I'm proud of you Mono,for moving on with such undaunting and high spirits. Frankly, I think there's a lot I could learn myself from this post. True...nothing lasts forever. And for what it's worth,it was worth the while,wasn't it?
I guess another important lesson you've learnt is to follow not your gut,but your intuition about whom to trust.Think twice Mono...I did tell you about this.
And lastly...let all the happy memories last in a little happy spot in your mind. They're the fuel for your life...you'l realize soon :) Cheerio!!
Thank you so much!though you wrote it in a completely different context!but thanks a tonne anyway!You don't know how much I appreciate it!
:D
Oh and don't miss any "learning opportunities" as you yourself so flatteringly put it :P
this is one big learning curve after all!
:) :) :)
Mono as priyanshi has put it so well......even i am so happy of the way you have come out of the whole thing with such positive spirits. The part in which you have mentioned about you having some deep karma in your last life, needs a little clarification and i think i can do that, since i know a little about it,through my practice. I just want to say, that negative karma can be expiated by creating good causes in the present and that definitely gives you a reason to be happy as getting over such an emotional and trying phase needs lot of time. I know for a fact that you managed pretty well in just 1 day, so even if you feel that you have some past negative karma, den relax coz ur gettin over it is actual proof of the boundless positive causes you are creating in the present.. i hope i am not being too philosophical and that you understood each bit, if u dint, then let me know i will help you as much as i can. Lastly, its a very well written blog, and i liked it even more, you know the reason why:-)
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